Yesterday, I celebrated my birthday—and it was a really great day. I was surrounded by love, warmth, and joy. I smiled, laughed, and felt truly grateful for the life I get to live. 

I was born at 10:45pm. I know this because my mother, reminded me every single year. No matter how we spent the day—whether together in person or chatting earlier—she would always call me at exactly 10:45pm. It was her way of saying, “This is the moment you came into the world, and it changed my life.”

That phone call became sacred. A ritual. A pause in the day when time stood still just for us.

When my mother passed away in 2023, I knew—logically—that the call wouldn’t come. But emotionally, spiritually…something inside me still waited. I couldn’t fully accept its absence. And when 10:45pm came and went without the familiar ringtone, the pain of her loss hit me in a way it hadn’t in the previous three months. It was sharp. Real. Unmistakable. I do recall that a song that she and I had enjoyed singing together, came on the radio right before 10:45pm, but I only thought about it later and took it as a sign. It gave my sense peace.  I mean, I don't often listen to the radio unless someone else has it on. This was the case. When I heard the intro of the song ... I requested the the radio be turned off! But a few seconds later it hit me. I asked to please turn it back on. I listened to song in its entirety. I know in my heart that it was a sign that all is well and that the love and connection never dies.

The next year, I lit a candle at 10:45pm. I sat with the silence. I sat with the memory, and felt deep gratitude. And so now, each year, I honor that moment by lighting a candle.  I reflect—on the life I’ve lived, the year behind me, the hopes ahead, and most of all, on the woman who gave me life. Last night when I lit the candle, there was a little less sadness and lot more gratitude.

Thank you, Mama. Thank you for giving me the gift of your love, your strength, your wisdom, and your unwavering belief in me. I am who I am because I was born to you.

And to everyone reading this: May you find your own ways to honor the people who have shaped your story! The rituals matter. The love continues.

Do you and your family have any birthday traditions? Let me know if the comments.

Stephenie